We are planets

Today you sent me a message that broke my heart
I know it broke because I heard
all these little glass splinters
fall like rain over my ribcage and into the pits of me
It didn’t hurt because you were cruel to me
but cruel to yourself and
when I cannot be there to pick up pieces of you
strewn about over the bathroom tiles and spattered on the mirror
Hold them together against you until your joints pop
with teeth grinding sound
back into their homes and you are limber
Sit with me and watch our bodies breathe
See, our reflections are masters at deception?
You think I am perfect despite my heart saying no
I think you are perfect despite your heart saying no
We could, maybe, fix this

Keeping anxiety inside an apothecary jar

I feel like I am falling off every bandwagon I ever jumped on
I can see the carnelian sands of motivation slipping through the gaps between my fingers
while I desperately blink in hope the dissipation will cease
The carpet by my bed seems prickly and harsh
like a broken glass highway and I’ve got no car
and I’ve got no shoes
The doorway is menacing, some great, wide jaws; open
ready for the feast of me
Though every time I step through I do not find myself lurking the bowels of some beast
I am instead in the dim hall of my home but
at the end of the hall is another fearsome creature
ready and waiting to tear my heart from my mind and my neck from my shoulders
Yet I seem to make it to the front door intact
Then the outside world seems crushing and intergalactic
I feel like I am suffocating but when I blink
I open my eyes to my bedroom
where the carpet looks achingly sharp
and the doorway canabalistic

Café

You make me smile like some kind of village idiot with oceans between us
Imagine the grin plastered on my face with nothing but 
a pair of coffees and a single slice of cheesecake 
sat right there in that space that separates our hands
I’m going to stutter 
be aware—
tears will roll like silver rivers and I won’t let go
Car to feet to bed to dinner, 
arm in arm
love on lips
teeth and tail
My heart quakes at the mere notion that in forty-eight days 
nothing but coffee 
will come between us

Ahh, two steps and I’m a lonely girl

I haven’t been writing like I was almost a year ago, I am too aware of the infrequency. Makes my blood feel thick and greasy, makes me feel sick. My head is too full, my heart too heavy. I think it is because I am struggling with the loneliness of it all.

I’ve been single for nearly twelve months and I am more the woman I had ever wished to be. I am not bound in cannot’s and don’t’s, I lifted all restrictions with a firm hand and tears enough to fill some rich strangers pool in Palm Springs. I didn’t cry for sadness, I cried for freedom and new beginnings. I cried for a love I thought I may have lost and it sounds silly on reflection but my heart is bursting. This pulse could set new records.

Human contact is the strangest thing. I crave it more now than ever before. The shy tremor of a hand caressing my jaw when we kiss turning to an exciting pressure on throat, waking to a feather light stroke down my spine and up, up, up the curve of my derriere. A boyishly charming glance at my décolletage when I am undressing, with all these unspoken instructions. An affectionate something when my legs give way and my heart falls out of my mouth. Which it does from time to time.
And then I feel troubled and tense upon seeking a kiss or a squeeze or a compliment because I don’t wanna be the kind of girl a boy wants to fiddle with, I wanna be the kind of lady a man falls in love with.

The kinda lady you fall in love with.

Push me in the snow, carry me to bed
Call me crazy
Call me remarkable
Dress me up and paint my face
Make me into your wildest fantasy
Race me to the front door
Read to me
Write of me
Watch me colour myself up
Poke fun at my expense
Laugh with your eyes when I stumble over sentences
Terrorise my boundaries
Call me neo-traditional, call me yours

My darling dove

There are no safe spaces here
This is a world of refusal to settle at
agreeing to disagree

Personally,
death is as much a part of living
as life itself

The immaculate inhale
the spluttering exhale
The stumbling from this starting block
to the unimaginably long fall to the water
where the dive is less streamline and more
surface areas colliding
Skin left with bold, scarlet kisses
no questions asked
eyes open, lungs brimming with water

This is the divine goodnight