The weather feels more like it did when we got back in contact. Sporadic and exciting, I love when the blue sky rolls into heavy cloud cover and look! In the distance a storm is brewing but for now the sun still warms my black on black on black attire, the leather of my handbag is malleable with warmth.
It was a nexus of emotion that enveloped me the day you messaged out of the blue, it was just the right timing. Just like you to catch me at a crossroads with no map or compass.
My heart thud harder than it had in years. I’d just finished break at trade school and was waiting for the elevator to arrive on my floor. I felt alone surrounded by all these ditzy blondes with Kardashian contour, chattering like a flock of sheep waiting for the shepard. It was just like highschool, everything a competition and I was still the odd one out with her head down just to get through the day.
I couldn’t hear them, the ringing in my ears was more like chaos than chaos I had ever known.
Opening your message with a tremor that began in my bones and resonated through my entire body I blinked hard to see straight. You sounded curious, you sounded doubtful and all the memories I had of being a smitten sixteen year old smacked me hard in the cheek.
Every morning I still wake hoping to hit the home button on my iPhone and see your name somewhere, anywhere. Sometimes it’s a vacant, fruitless dream but a dream nonetheless. Other times my eyes are unfocused but seeking and find you written on the screen, I can barely make out the letters and entirely relying on muscle memory to unlock and type back.
Strings of days go by without your name until a vibration brings you hurtling back to me.
You always show up just in the nick of time. Always when I am begrudgingly dragging my beat up shoes down some nowhere road and I lost my direction weeks ago when a storm blew through, my map got soaked. I watched as the ink ran off the paper in an effort to take shelter on the back side of my hands, only to fall in hesitant tears to the parched earth.
Always when hope evades me like the sunshine you bottle as a child, thinking when winter comes you can open the jar in your bedroom and it’ll be summer again.