Struggle, mine heart

If only I didn’t care so much
but the truth of the matter is,
the on my knees neck inching downward in the rain,
honest to God,
suck me out to sea with the furious tide and take me to the ocean floor
truth of the matter is

I do

And I care so wholeheartedly
to hear your voice at four twenty-six in the morning
if that’s the best time for you
Eyes heavy and it feels like closing time at the ice rink after skating for six hours straight

And, I do care to take myself away to you
throw my little life into suitcases and hat boxes and post the little things I can’t bear to leave behind
Give to you myself like a gift with bows and bells and ribbons a plenty
with international airmail stamps and bruised from travel
but oh-so specially delivered to you

Slide your favourite knife through the thick binds of packing tape and peel them from my skin
See my soft perimeters expand and pull with the motions, see my eyes blink slow and bovine lashes bat in the breeze of you
Unwrap me
Cut locks of my hair for trinket boxes and fun
Sever all the chords I ever had attached like a marionette puppet
replace them with your delicate spiderweb strings or strings of the harp of your heart

Toy with me
I permit you to use me all up
devour me for all that I am and take every last ounce that I have to give

Ask me
Ask me to move my whole life to a not-so-foreign country where I can listen and write and love you
Ask me to move my whole life to a foreign country where the voices sound strange and the language is unbeknowst to these ears and

Teach me
Watch the struggle of my tongue trying to round sentences I cannot grasp
and the struggle of my eyes as my ears scream to hear the words for what they mean

I have all the care and all the time in the world for you
You’ve got me
aha!
Freshly minted, this tendered currency is only for you and there are millions of cents to every dollar
to fill your pockets full and spend days counting my worth
For you it is endless
I am a stream that wraps a solitary planet hanging in the balance of time a thousand times over and becomes an ocean you may swim in
I am a tree that grows for miles into the atmosphere and begs you to climb it
I am a small girl outstretched in the moonlight
the stars reflecting in my eyes and reflecting into yours

Perhaps it is a curse that
I care, too much

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