Betwixt words

I might never breathe again
That is
if I am to keep all my thoughts
to myself 
I might never see again
or speak again
and I certainly won’t love again 
without you giving me ear for just a little while
I want to scream three and a half inches from your nose
I love you, why can’t you hear me?!
and then watch in awe as your smile grows
to light up the stage you have recklessly thrown me onto
with your strong arms, perfect teeth and
weak ankles 
Before I can close my mouth
your tongue pulls my tongue
into itself and beyond 
the limitations of what is known
and you whisper between kisses

I cannot hear you, 

but I am listening

When sound is listened not heard and I am felt but not seen

I might never breathe again
if I am to keep all my thoughts
to myself
I want to scream three and a half inches from your nose
I love you, why can’t you hear me?!
and then watch in awe as your smile grows
to light up the stage you have thrown me onto
Before I can close my mouth
your tongue pulls my tongue
into itself and beyond
the limitations of what is known
and you whisper between kisses
I cannot hear you,
but I am listening

I have more texts saved than sent

You know what hurts me the most?
Knowing how deeply my love runs for you
but not knowing how to tell you,
or why it is so

What else hurts me is that I miss you every day and
I am sure you don’t think of me often
I cannot even stop myself from texting you
when already I have sent
sixteen messages in the last six days
with no reply

Because I know you are busy
I know you are well loved
I know you have girls from all over the world
who want to be your princess

But may I be so brash as to say:

and I know all women have tendency to say:

Those other women,
They’re not like me

I am seeking your hand for your sake
your smile to see the light in your soul
your words to immerse myself in your story

There are no selfish moments here

Here is safe and quiet
Breathing audibly and lips smacking
Eyes searching psyche, periferals dulled
to f-stop settings on low

My world is paralysing

The day I feel the world envelop me
in the same way you have penetrated my soul
I will believe that the next year will be okay
But until you feel me
coiling endlessly around your limbs,
torso and
skeleton
Until you feel me
filling your lungs and
dancing in your veins
The world may not hold me tentatively
as you are
my world

The kiss

When you first kiss me
can you promise
that you will kiss me always?

I can promise you everything
that you have never asked for

I can promise you things
you thought were impossible
and things you have been told
cannot be promised

I can pinky swear
on your bible, if you’d like
that I will love you

With rivers on my skin
I will love you
With hands upon my heart
I will love you
With stars in my mouth
and flowers at my ankles
and snow on my peaks
and sand in my hair

I will love you

12:48am

Finished work an hour late and sauntered on down to the bar where my tender’s name this evening is Ben, or Benny if you want the heaters switched on outside. Didn’t order my beverage of choice, had it served and my card swiped.

Dropping a short straw –I always get the short straw— in my rum and coke Ben said, “there you go, darlin’
I smiled and tucked my hair behind my ears, “thank you, Benny

Took up seat opposite my best friend and had a cigarette bummed off me by some English guy who asked for my number but didn’t get it.
I was on another planet all day. I am on another planet now. I’m tired and dissatisfied but my drinks top notch.

After a couple of hours talking utter shit and being intermittently offensive we decided to call it a night. Dragging my suitcase station bound I listened to wild stories punched from the throat of my barely-five-foot tall best fiend, she’s got more guts than almost all the men I know smashed together in some kind of fleshy, jelly ball. She’s everything I wanted to be when I was growing up, and then some.

By eleven I was on my way to my sister’s house and at 11:43 I sent a message that read:

I always wish I knew just what to say, I wish we could talk more,  I wish we lived in the same place, I wish we could read to each other, I wish we could sing together (even though I’m a bad singer), and I always wish we could share dinner and a film. I wish I had you.

But what I wanted to say was:

I always wish I knew just what to say because I want you to love me in the way that I love you. I wish we could talk more because I want to talk with you until I know all your shitty stories and heartbreaks and fears and greatest passions. I wish we lived in the same place so I never had to tell you that I miss you. I wish we could read to each other and share all our favourite tales by all our favourite authors. I wish we could sing together because I am not afraid to give you all of me. And I wish we could always share dinner and a film because no man has ever gone with me, I must have been waiting my whole life for a man like you to share simple pleasures such as these.

I wish… I had you to keep and to hold and to be whole with.

By 11:56 I was thinking maybe I shouldn’t have sent that and by 12:19 I was writing about it and realising you’d already read my text.

At 12:48 I published this piece you might never read.

A message to humanity

Let us allow the smallest beings to

Have the loudest voices

Let us give arm and hand

To those amputees and impoverished and devalued

For every soul has its worth

Every creature a purpose no matter its heiarchael position

It’s crippled stature or hurt ego

For earths majority is in fact

inferior to the minority

The privileged take for granted all the most precious moments and availabilities

Step so forcefully on the toes of those whimpering, ignorant at best

;arrogant at worst

“I miss you”

For the first time in my life
today; you told me that you miss me and
mine own heart stopped beating for but two seconds
I thought it might stop forever

Nearly seven years under our belts
I can hardly believe the time that has passed us by
We are yet to share a meal
or conversation on the same seat
I am so jealous of the ground beneath your feet
for it holds you up
and catches you in its rough arms when you fall
the way I only wish I could
but softer, gentler, more sweetly

And I am hopelessly in love with you

My friends ask me
when are you going to let go, Camille?
I tell them
…never, why should I?

I have not held your heartbeat beneath my head
or your breath in my mouth
or your words in my ear
So,
I will not let go until you tell me
these hands are not yours to hold, Camille

Stupid with honesty

Because

all the men in the world could kneel at my own two
tiny feet
and I could kick sand in all their faces, bar yours
just to prove how you move me

How it is you who triggers all this will
and accidentally builds all these cosmic
developments
that burst from the surface of my planet
I am your globe to design and landscape

You can choose to desert this sphere
you have the power to shape any world
and kiss any mouth you so desire

Did I mention that:
yours are the words which perforate me?
yours are the hands I could hold forever and a day?
yours are the eyes burning with that of a thousand forest fires?
yours are the memories I wish to recall?

Did I mention that;
yours is the heart
in which mine is buried?

Addiction

/əˈdɪkʃ(ə)n/
noun
the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance or activity
“he committed the offence to finance his drug addiction”

;does not plague these lands
in form of booze or gambling
nor cigarettes or risky business
No craving to be subdued
plainly given in to
No lashes must I bequeath upon mine own back
no tears must be spilled over withdrawals
Detox is irrelevant

Though, love addiction

;plagues these lands
of silken skin,
prickled with goosebumps at the slightest breath pertaining to
Lands of dips and rises
valleys and peaks so round and smooth
naught hand nor tooth may grip
Such a strength may prevail
leaving dusky blotches to dull golden hues and
welt this back, scribe brail phrases down the centre of my spine
Tongue them secretly to read your story,
kiss them as they melt away and
saturate my being wholly