How I am young and habitual

Sitting in the sticky sweat of summer
I have rediscovered music from my childhood
More and more I am finding the rhythm to my life
As I type, I realise I am playing my keys as though they were ivory
Slowly but surely I am uncovering the notes that compose my very own score
and they are beautifully harmonious
unilaterally sounding, disregarding of permissions
I need not authority to love you
I require but mine own heart and the simple complexities of a nervous system
a little courage and a whole lot of deep breathing
Only twenty-two, loving with width as much as depth
I have quickly become a creature of habit
one pattern of positions to mimic before I fall asleep
same passwords, even numbers, symmetry
mismatched eyeshadow, odd laces, walk the same way to the same place every night
All these tendencies and yet I would never dare make you my habit
that is where love turns brittle and shatters beneath barely four pounds of pressure
the very thought makes my eyes go fuzzy
tongue feels too big for my mouth and I’m coughing for no reason
I can smell the sun listening to Mermaid Avenue
California Stars is becoming somewhat of an anthem
I have hung on many seemingly perfect sentences as of late
warped my fingers like paling tentacles around the robust trapeze of words
It reminds me that I am not iconic but
someone might quote me one day and
I am the jester in your courtroom with mind to take up seat beside you

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