I’m not even sorry, and I’ll never talk to you again

You devoured four years of my life
completely ate them up
wiled them away in your horror house
there were so many hallways and too many doors
but no exit signs and I thought that was a legality
Maybe it was a little more
but I’d rather not acknowledge that as truth

I know you’ll never read this poem

or perhaps you will,
when you’re missing me ’cause
you know I was the best you ever had
But probably not the best you ever will have
because you’re a good looking guy
but you always lacked real ambition
you lacked interest in me
you lacked sex and affection
you lacked intellect and vocabulary
and that was the problem, part of the whole

You were head over heels in love with me
you were so convinced I’d never leave
never sigh and cry out
even though I spent countless nights crying on the shower floor
I could see your heart breaking in your gold flecked eyes
when I said “I can’t be with you anymore

and I wasn’t even sorry
but I said  I was

It was a long time coming, it was inevitable
It was written in our beginning as an end
It was as unavoidable as a river turning estuary
flowing into the ocean
turning fresh water saline
Wishing I could turn water to wine

Then I woke up a few days later in ‘our’ bed alone
and I realised I never even loved you
but I didn’t have the heart to tell you
because I’m no cruel, cold bitch
even though you told me I am

So, it turns out I found a door marked exit

Hidden behind barbed wire and nailed shut
I don’t think you ever wanted me to find it
you hid it pretty damn well
I broke all my fingernails and got a tonne of splinters
my shoulder was bruised from ramming the door
I forcefully opened it, against all the snow that was holding it shut

It was warm outside and I felt the UV burning my skin
I breathed anew
found old feelings and celebrated their embrace
Maybe I can love now,
real love with no pressure, no obligation

One thought on “I’m not even sorry, and I’ll never talk to you again

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